The surprise is

When I was young, I was sure that only I would understand what it was that I was feeling, right here, right now.
When I was in my first decade I was sure that grown-ups were a race of people who didn’t know what it was to be young.
When I was in my teens I knew, just KNEW that those same grown-ups wouldn’t understand anything about my world, my fears, my hopes, my dreams.
When I was in my twenties I was busy building……..relationship, marriage, home, career, image. Too busy to wonder about the nature of these things.
When I was in my thirties I was consolidating, feeling grown-up, yet strangely feeling just the same as I had always felt inside the very centre, the core, the essence of me. I had entered the world of the grown-ups. Yet I was just the same as I had always been. I was waiting to feel really grown-up.
When I was in my forties I made progress in my career, experienced more countries, grew my circle of involvement in activities, felt that I was in the most influential phase…..yet I was still the same me.
When I was in my fifties, I was seriously ill, faced cancer, redundancy, recovery, relief, awareness of the importance of family, wonderful husband, friendships, survival. Even though I was buffeted about by circumstance, I still felt the presence of young girl that I had been, unchanged in so many ways.
Now I am in my sixties, that girl is still here within me, I catch an expression sometimes in the mirror that reminds me of who she was. In the same mirror that shocks me with how she has become…….
The constants are the real surprise. The ageing process is the ephemera of the progress of years. The constants are spinning shards, spiralling shifts, fractured, captured moments that share the girls delight in nature, landscapes, music, clever words, poetry. Everything changes yet nothing really does. That’s the surprise.


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